I have lived through a very painful experience of emotional abuse and bullying for standing firm and honouring my core beliefs and conscience. I write this because it is very important to own the truth of my experience.
No other analysis of this phenomenon is as clear-headed, and as validating for the victims of insidious and perverse abuses of power than Marie-France Hirigoyen's Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity. Hirigoyen's insights are so important because she acknowledges the impact that such abuse has on a person's soul. It is the hardest for others to comprehend, confusing for the victim, and challenging for witnesses to take a clear stand because of its subtle, yet brutally corrosive impact. It is also challenging because the abuser engages in highly skilled manipulations and is able to create doubt and deflect the ethical responsibility for their actions. In fact, they can be quite brilliant at turning the entire situation around and forcing their target to carry the shame for their own actions through character assassination and projected role reversal.
How can the lessons and wisdom gleaned from such an emotionally and psychologically violent encounter be woven into a blanket of healing?
I've arrived at some answers for myself, but being on the receiving end of someone else's unacknowledged grief, pain and rage remains an enigmatic dance of unconscious dynamics. One thing that I am certain about is that only the faith in your own soul (your core spiritual essence) and its connection to the soul of the world is strong enough to pull you through such an ordeal without breaking you. The love and support of people who care for and love you, the assistance of skilled professionals, and attention to your physical health are all key. Yet the ability to be in the world, trust again, rebuild your life and work, and renew your commitment to what you believe in, can only occur when you surrender to a force within yourself that is infinitely loving, compassionate and just.
There are so many deep traumas in our world which ache for healing. I know that my own vulnerability has connected me more deeply to the vulnerability of others, and to the wounds present in life. I don't feel connected in a weak and sentimental way, because I am acutely aware that healing trauma requires true grit, strength and courage. However, I feel a deeper kinship with others through my experience. The act of deepening compassion continues through my encounter of walking through the fire and being tested to the core.
Trauma is experienced when human beings confront something so overwhelming (either emotionally, psychologically, or physically), that it forces a re-circuiting of their being in order to circumvent the unendurable. Only a force, a belief, an experience, or a value greater than us has the ability to give us a fighting chance against the overwhelm that could break us into less than who we are. I surrender to that which opens me more fully into life and love, not to that which asks for, or demands, less.
From this deeply surrendered place, we may find ourselves graced with the wisdom that our painful shattering can be an initiation into a remembrance and renewal of who we were meant to be.
No other analysis of this phenomenon is as clear-headed, and as validating for the victims of insidious and perverse abuses of power than Marie-France Hirigoyen's Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity. Hirigoyen's insights are so important because she acknowledges the impact that such abuse has on a person's soul. It is the hardest for others to comprehend, confusing for the victim, and challenging for witnesses to take a clear stand because of its subtle, yet brutally corrosive impact. It is also challenging because the abuser engages in highly skilled manipulations and is able to create doubt and deflect the ethical responsibility for their actions. In fact, they can be quite brilliant at turning the entire situation around and forcing their target to carry the shame for their own actions through character assassination and projected role reversal.
How can the lessons and wisdom gleaned from such an emotionally and psychologically violent encounter be woven into a blanket of healing?
I've arrived at some answers for myself, but being on the receiving end of someone else's unacknowledged grief, pain and rage remains an enigmatic dance of unconscious dynamics. One thing that I am certain about is that only the faith in your own soul (your core spiritual essence) and its connection to the soul of the world is strong enough to pull you through such an ordeal without breaking you. The love and support of people who care for and love you, the assistance of skilled professionals, and attention to your physical health are all key. Yet the ability to be in the world, trust again, rebuild your life and work, and renew your commitment to what you believe in, can only occur when you surrender to a force within yourself that is infinitely loving, compassionate and just.
There are so many deep traumas in our world which ache for healing. I know that my own vulnerability has connected me more deeply to the vulnerability of others, and to the wounds present in life. I don't feel connected in a weak and sentimental way, because I am acutely aware that healing trauma requires true grit, strength and courage. However, I feel a deeper kinship with others through my experience. The act of deepening compassion continues through my encounter of walking through the fire and being tested to the core.
Trauma is experienced when human beings confront something so overwhelming (either emotionally, psychologically, or physically), that it forces a re-circuiting of their being in order to circumvent the unendurable. Only a force, a belief, an experience, or a value greater than us has the ability to give us a fighting chance against the overwhelm that could break us into less than who we are. I surrender to that which opens me more fully into life and love, not to that which asks for, or demands, less.
From this deeply surrendered place, we may find ourselves graced with the wisdom that our painful shattering can be an initiation into a remembrance and renewal of who we were meant to be.
Oh Maria. Beautiful. Your soul and heart and lived experience comes shining through these healing words. I think you are right on with your reflections. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteMay the Mystery at the heart of our being, that accompanies us into and through the flames, always be strong in you, Maria.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. I have also experienced bullying, abuse and character assassination via mobbing--from a supposedly spiritual group. I am still healing from this and will read the book you mention. I have given up on trying to talk with people about this; I either come off like a victim, or people tell me that I must either have imagined the situation or done something to draw it to me. As you say, ultimately the connection to Spirit/soul/essence is the lifeline through this kind of trauma.
ReplyDeleteIt is very difficult to reconcile this kind of behaviour within organizations which have a noble mission. That is one of the more hurtful and confusing aspects. As human beings, we all have to wrestle with our contradictions - but it is a matter of degrees. While compassion and understanding are important qualities to nurture, it's important to continue to honour and protect core values by speaking up and taking a stand when a wrong is committed - particularly when there is an intent to harm and an abuse of power.
ReplyDelete